French guys in America, English guys in Spain, Spanish guys in France, and Argentinians in, well, Argentina. Traveling abroad, among other things, is about hooking up.
Are girls sluts if they sleep around? (Don't answer that.) Are they tramps if their repertoire includes people of other languages, countries, and cultures?
Absolutely not. In my opinion, they're resourceful. I should clarify what this "hooking up" business is, exactly.
Not until I traveled abroad did I realize that I had a PG-rated conception, and so I'm using the term as such. Hooking up in my eyes was making out. Anything past that was, well, something past that.
"Yeah, dude, I totally hooked up with Roberto in the middle of the dance floor last night," I told Caroline, a hostel roommate. "You WHAT?"
Come to think of it, I've gotten more strange looks than I've deserved over the years. I shouldn't over-generalize. Some people are committed (maybe even faithful), celibate, or unlucky at gettin' lucky.
Just like single or promiscuous people miss out on things by not settling down with one individual, those who don't hook up while traveling miss out as well. Hooking up, in my eyes, is learning. Traveling and living in hostels is life in fast-forward.
People are constantly coming and going, which has its pluses and minuses, but knowing you have just two coinciding days with some 28-year-old Australian may make the seven-year age gap less off-putting as you consider the question, "what's the worst that can happen?" and rationalize, "I've got no time to waste."
It's the perfect opportunity for trial-and-error; a chance to do things that are far less appealing when involving a co-worker or classmate you'll see come Monday. And how much about the world will you learn from someone who lives in your neighborhood compared to a member of the opposite sex from another country?
The benefits extend past the obvious. Hooking up removes a wall and opens a door. Let the knowledge flood in.
There's nothing like the insight gained lying side-by-side in a twin hostel bed on pilling sheets after sleeping with a Brazilian, hearing mumbled Portuguese/Spanish about how they haven't felt so relaxed since they found their pet monkey after it escaped from their Copacabana balcony to a playground when they were twelve years old.
It sparked my interest. A month later, I found myself in that part of Rio de Janeiro with an Israeli who taught me how to cook shakshuka and to let my "independent girl" guard down.
I spent a few hour-and-forty-five-minute blocks of time in "telos," more or less sex hotels, which are a cultural staple, with a Buenos Aires native. I learned about idioms and local bands. And I took two-hour local buses to his suburban neighborhood, which I would never have visited had I not "known a guy."
I'd rather hear about childhood memories and be shown around by a local than read the "culture" and "where to go" sections in the Lonely Planet guidebook, and I think most people would concur.
Considering the experiences, the language, the stories, and the cultural understanding that come with it, I think all who have done so have to agree that traveling abroad wouldn't be traveling without hooking up.
Stephanie says
This reminds me of a friend of mine from London who used to talk about her "passport of love." You got a "stamp" for every nationality you made out with. I think she was trying to collect them all...
Dave says
"Passport of love" has to be the cheesiest description yet! I've also heard it described as collecting flags, and there is a "club" for all 7 continents.
Stephanie says
Does that mean you have to hook up with a penguin? or maybe just someone IN antarctica would do the trick...
BlakesJourney says
Sounds like a dreadful reality TV show...Next week on 'Passport of Love!!' Interesting post. More pics, maybe a video? he he. Have fun!
Blake / TBD
nodebtworldtravel.com says
I'm all for making "friends" but if you're in a hostel, at least be in a private room. Folks in the other 7 beds don't want to hear the language of your love conquest.
Dave says
How about someone on your Antarctica cruise ship. I think that'd count too.
Dave says
I agree, and I realized on my RTW trip that I was getting a bit old to be kicked out of bed to make way for lovebirds in the adjacent bunk. Unless I'm one of the love birds. Then somehow it matters less what other people think. :)
DDR says
passport of love - yeesh. no offense, but yeesh. Then again, when i was abroad in france, i used to have roomates who shared a google map amongst themselves and "tack" every country for the girls they made out with. But it was an exclusive, guys-only map. Long live 21st century and technologies!
i've been couchsurfing a lot more than hostelling, and can imagine how unpleasant it would be if one has to make way for lovebirds. Like you said, Dave, also getting too old for this...but if its me, its like, meh!
It is definitely a way to get to know people- thats how my own stay in brazil got so awesome fun during some weekends- but it does sometimes conflict with certain cultures (certainly my own asian values kick in sometimes and this article would definintely be on the edge of blasphemy if presented in certain places).
Kirsten Alana says
I say, sign me up.
Rhys says
Haha, yeah getting to know the locals (or - the Sri Lankan beauty I met in Oktoberfest - not) is a great way to pass the time, and get stories, and continue on journeys - the whole reason I went to Sweden was because I met a girl in New York. Nothing happened in terms of "hooking up", but she should get a job with the Swedish tourist office, she was so welcoming!
I did have a bit of a ban when travelling around South East Asia, largely due to the reputation and me being a stereotypical arse, but apart from that I'm pretty open in that aspect on travelling.
Well....beggers can't be choosers, can they?
GlobalButterfly says
All I can say is amen sista! Couldn't agree with you more. :)
My "hook ups" though have always led to longterm relationships...
Dave says
The old tack and map approach to plotting one's worldwide exploits!
Thanks for stopping by Rita - hope to see you 'round these parts again soon.
Dave says
"ban when traveling around SE Asia?" How does that work!?
Rhys says
I didn't sleep with anyone.
I missed a bunch of jabs, so I was running the risk which I wanted to minimize. So I kinda made myself undesirable
Ben says
ha, my mate had 40+ flags after running a backpacker bar in London. He wasn't impressed with just that though. As he put it when discussing flags, "mate, I've been to every state in America...twice!"
Dave says
Hey Ben - that's a lot of flags!
Devin says
Most people consider a queen size bed to be a sufficient enough space for two people to sleep on. There is enough room for both to have their own "space" and not be crowded. Queen sized beds generally have enough dimension and is most likely the reason for their popularity. One of the biggest mistakes of all times is when a couple buys a bed and didn't take dimensions into consideration. Many squeeze into a full size bed and end up miserable after a short period of time.
Devin says
Most people consider a queen size bed to be a sufficient enough space for two people to sleep on. There is enough room for both to have their own "space" and not be crowded. Queen sized beds generally have enough dimension and is most likely the reason for their popularity. One of the biggest mistakes of all times is when a couple buys a bed and didn't take dimensions into consideration. Many squeeze into a full size bed and end up miserable after a short period of time.
Devin says
Most people consider a queen size bed to be a sufficient enough space for two people to sleep on. There is enough room for both to have their own "space" and not be crowded. Queen sized beds generally have enough dimension and is most likely the reason for their popularity. One of the biggest mistakes of all times is when a couple buys a bed and didn't take dimensions into consideration. Many squeeze into a full size bed and end up miserable after a short period of time.
your momma says
spemily callaghan, you are the woman that i have grown to love since 2006, and i will live vicariously through your sexual conquests as i am inexplicably tied down. GO GET EM TIGER
Patrick says
The twin full bunk bed was manufactured to contain a twin mattress on top and a larger, full sized mattress below. The top bed is great for children who love to explore, climb up and pretend they are in a loft or spaceship, or maybe even a spooky lighthouse. One of the best things about these kind of beds, is there is plenty of room for sleepovers.
Stephanie says
Just to clarify *I* didn't invent the passport system. I think it's really just a way to "organize your flag collection."
Ignatius says
Great article! She has a great point- traveling is about meeting new people, experiencing a difference culture, unique memories... What better way to learn Hebrew, Romanian, Indonesian, etc? It's refreshing to hear this from a woman's point of view. Just remember to reciprocate for visitors to your home country!
Ignatius says
Great article! She has a great point- traveling is about meeting new people, experiencing a difference culture, unique memories... What better way to learn Hebrew, Romanian, Indonesian, etc? It's refreshing to hear this from a woman's point of view. Just remember to reciprocate for visitors to your home country!
James Clark says
I have a friend who is working her way through every county in Ireland.
Alex in Paris says
Hi Emily,
As a Paris man who recently spent time travelling in California, well, I can certainly agree that the lure of a foreigner with natives is something to take advantage of. It's a win-win situation, where each gets to know the most interesting cultural specifics of the other, in fast forwards!!
And yes, a woman can and should be free with her desires and her body. In fact, I think it's a mark of self-confidence that a woman break free of undesirable social pressure and do what she wants, when she wants, whereever in the world she wants!
Cheers to that!
Alex
Emily C Callaghan says
Thank you, Alex!
Mike says
here in david panama we have a lot of hooking up in the dorms but it is not encouraged and couples have been asked to leave if too loud
Dannie Nakhle says
Many thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning much more on this subject. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your website with far more details? It is extremely helpful for me.
Seks Strony says
Great post, until it was pleasant to see him. Thank you.
Maria Alexandra says
Ubber entertaining post girl--and SO true!! I won't get into details, but I can say my repertoire has been spiced up with, umm, much variety after I started traveling. And "I found myself in that very part of Rio de Janeiro with an Israeli who taught me how to cook shakshuka and to let my “independent girl” guard down"!? <-- OMG, SAME happened to me (but in a kibbutz in Northern Israel instead)!!!
Maria Alexandra says
Ubber entertaining post--and SO true!! I won't get into details, but I can say my repertoire has been spiced up with, umm, much variety after I started traveling. You learn about many things, but especially you really get to know yourself like u never would back home. Honestly, sampling like that allows u to truly know what u want...and some things u wanted u never even knew "existed"!! And it is not necessarily about having sex with every nationality on Earth--sometimes just some cuddling, kissing and playing can teach u much more =)
And "I found myself in that very part of Rio de Janeiro with an Israeli who taught me how to cook shakshuka and to let my “independent girl” guard down"!? <-- OMG, SAME happened to me (but in a kibbutz in Northern Israel instead)!!!
Chris says
Love this. Huge proponent of hooking up while traveling.
Dave says
Hey Chris, thanks for reading. I can't think of a better way to learn about the local culture!
e says
hey i like this post a lot, and i certainly love hooking up abroad.. but i have one question - how do you make sure you're being safe? i'm a trusting person and like to think that if someone says they're disease-free they know that they are, but i doubt my middle school Health teacher would be proud of such naivete... any thoughts?
Dave says
I think this is an issue we all have to deal with regardless of where we are in the world. I think you lessen your chances of running into problems if you spend some time getting to know the other person first, versus jumping in bed with them right away. Get them invested, and I think there's less chance you'll be given false information. But there's always the chance the person was unaware of a problem in the first place.
Micamyx|Senyorita says
This post reminds me of a friend who is proud of her 'united nations' line up of men! LOL. She is happily married now and good for her she ended up with a childhood friend who had a secret crush on her.
Dave says
I think guys tend to brag about it more, but I'm sure foreign romances are just as exciting for the ladies as they are for the guys.
james says
This is the skankiest thing I've ever read in relation to traveling abroad. You should just admit that you like the fuck, it's not about learning hahaha. You go places and share yourself with the locals and leave. How do you think any future prospective husbands will feel about you travelling around sluttin and struttin? You'll get a disease one day and won't know it for several months and infect others most likely.
Dave says
Hey James, I think your reaction is a bit harsh. We all know there's a double standard when it comes to casual sex. Would you react this way if a man had written it?
1 in 6 people in the US population has genital herpes (Source: CDC), much in part because up to 90% of those infected don't know they have it, and of those that do, many don't disclose it to their potential partners for fear of how they'd react.
Casual sex does not equal venereal disease. Yes, the more partners you have, the greater your risk, but you're assuming an awful lot about the author based on a single article. And that's not fair to her.
Neil Skywalker says
Such a dumb reaction from James. What a prude! It's always the people who are not "getting any" who are most afraid of STD's.
If anyone should have STD's it should be me after touring and picking up girls around the world for nearly 3 years. But guess what? I had nothing when I got fully tested on return to Holland. Just use protection and you'll be fine.
Great article !.
Tommy says
LOL was checking out the website for your book Neil Skywalker (surely that isn't your real name?) and was a little taken aback by some of the pictures you posted of women in compromising positions. Showing a little respect to those who you made love to (tenderly and gently, no doubt) woud go a long way instead of exploiting their images to make you look like the man-whore you most likely aren't.
Kind regards,
T.
Neil Skywalker says
Please save your white knighting comments for your weekly bible club. In most of the pictures they girls aren't recognizable. Their faces are blurred out with photoshop.
If I wanted to disrespect them then I would show x -rated pictures without blur.
Maybe you're just a bit jealous.
Dariece - Goats On The Road says
Wow! this post got quite the reaction. I was loving all of the comments until I got to the harsh one by James. Anyways, there's nothing wrong with having fun while abroad, opening your eyes up to new possibilities and getting to know the locals :)
As we are a backpacking couple, we can't comment based on experience, but I'm sure it adds an interesting element to travel!
Cheers for the post.